Pandemic Diary, May 1st, 2021: Yearning for a Crystal Ball

The view of the woods behind my apartment

Today is officially Day 412 since I began working from home in self-isolation for my university library system, since my world was upended. I’m sitting on my patio in my apartment, looking at the newly-budding trees in the woods behind me, and it feels as if Spring has finally arrived here in Winnipeg. I hear the birds chirping, and smell that one of my neighbors is barbecuing.

While I am enjoying the sunshine, maskless, a neighbour barrels around the corner of my building, also maskless, taking a shortcut around the building to find me sitting here. She briefly passes within six feet of me on her way to the garbage dumpster. Shit. It just goes to show how you can never be too careful. (My neighbor gives me a wide berth by following the sidewalk on her return trip. I would wave, but she resolutely refuses to make eye contact.)

My neighbourhood was recently added to the list of provincial COVID-19 hot spots, and therefore anyone over 17 who lives or works in the neighborhood can now go get vaccinated. I got my first shot (Oxford/AstraZeneca) on March 18th, and I am due to get my second shot in July. I take some comfort from the fact that even just the first shot will be enough to protect me from serious illness or death (at least, according to the scientific research published about the current variants of the coronavirus), but I still worry whenever there’s a slip up, such as my neighborhood getting within 2 meters, as brief as it was. I still worry. I find it hard to shut off the worry sometimes.

Last night I text chatted with my brother in Alberta, two provinces to the west, which had recently reported a worrying increase in cases (in fact, they now have the highest per-capita rate of positive COVID cases by far). I was greatly relieved to hear that both he and my sister-in-law, who are in their fifties, received their first COVID-19 vaccinations yesterday at a local pharmacy.

I find that often lately, I am anxious and distracted, having to force myself time and again to quit doomscrolling on social media and the news media, go sit outside, and relax. I listen in on countless Clubhouse rooms about the catastrophe currently happening in India, and I feel so helpless. I read about anti-mask rallies in cities all across Canada, and I get enraged.

This pandemic is taking an emotional toll on me, at a time when I should be feeling more optimistic about the summer to come. I pray that we will not see anything like the crisis and chaos erupting in south-east Asia. I hope that the increasing pace of vaccination will protect us all, and that our lives can return to normal.

Oh, what I would give for a crystal ball, to be able to see the future!

Photo by Arthur Ogleznev on Unsplash
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